We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
