We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
