Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he thought i was a dude.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
