I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
