whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
