Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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