Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
