I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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