Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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