I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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