I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
