Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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