Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
