i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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