I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
