I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
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The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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