The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
