If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize