is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Randomize
