If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
