I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just puked most of my soul out..
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
