every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
