oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
3 2 1 whiskey
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
