You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
