Old men and throwing up are my life now.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
