it hurts more in the daytime
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
