New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
