he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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