I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just sucked dick on a ferry
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
