There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
