Jerry, you need to find god
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
