allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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