if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
