chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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