Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
