The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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