From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
