The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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