Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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