I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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