I heard we made out
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I need water and some morals
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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