I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
