I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
