I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
