we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick