I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
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nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...