now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
