I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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