you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
