I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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