You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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