So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
