So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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