i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
