It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
