tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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