found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
the liver wants what the liver wants
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
