had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
